Black dude #1, eating ice cream: My priorities in life is my family... Ummm... Food... And, ummm... Pussy.Ookay.. So I was supposed to only copy-paste like 2 maybe.. 4 max! I got carried away, sorry! =P But aren't they just soo funny?? Haha, I give 'em 4 and a half stars.. and a muffin! Why a muffin? Well, why not? =)
Black dude #2: Yeah, I love pussy!
Black dude #1: I know, man. Me, too. I'm addicted to it.
Black dude #2: I wish it tasted more like Häagen-Dazs.
Black dude #1: Word!
Bag lady: Don't you call me no grandma! That ain't right. I'm a 'nana,' not a 'grandma.'
Hobo: I ain't call you no grandma -- I called you a old lady.
Bag lady: Oh, okay. Yeah, that's right, 'cause I ain't no grandma!
Guy: Don't you get embarrassed carrying a Discman?
Girl with Discman: I don't get embarrassed... Except that one time I farted in high school. But it was only embarrassing because I sneezed and farted at the same time.
Bus driver: No phones on the bus. I don't care if you got problems with your mother, or your brother, or girlfriend got a problem with boyfriend, or boyfriend got a problem with girlfriend, or girlfriend-girlfriend, or boyfriend-boyfriend, or just you got a sad, pathetic life, because other passengers do not like to hear those things. And if you sleep, leave your shoes on -- people take their shoes off, it smells like fish market.
50-ish lady on cell in stall: Hello? In the bathroom... I had to pee-pee, so I'm in the bathroom at Barney's... Yeah, so the doctor said she might have cancer and she'd have to get a biopsy... Hold on while I wipe.
Lady approaching friend and her child: Well, hello Sabrina! What are you going to ask from Santa Claus for Christmas?
Little girl: Look, lady -- I'm eight, not ignorant.
Chick #1: So, what happened with you and that guy from the bar last night?
Chick #2: Oh, him? We went back to my place and had sex.
Chick #1: Oooh... How was it?!
Chick #2: Eh, it wasn't the best. He wanted to do anal, and I was tired and drunk, so I was like, 'Whatever...'
Chick #1: Oh my god, really? I would never do anal...
Chick #2: Eh, I thought so, too, but turns out it's really not that bad. It's just like shitting... only in reverse.
♥ Have you ever done anything out of pure spite? What did you do?
I don't think I've ever had!-- See what a lovely girl I am? =P
But I know SOME people who brushed someone's toothbrush inside the toilet bowl, peed inside his shampoo and toothpaste container (even on his perfume, I think?), infested his chips by putting random things in it, jumped all over his sheets (with their shoes on!), and used his pillows to kill a cockroach!
Haha, so dorm people... Be afraid, be very afraid... for you never know what your roommate(s) might be doing to your stuff because of pure hatred! Ahaha! =P
It would be called the Nadine Day, and all A-list designers would be mandated to send me a pair of their newest shoes or their newest handbags! =P Calling Manolo Blahnik!!! Hello, Hermes!!! =D I know, materialistic me.. Ugh! Jokeeee!!!
♥ If you could create your own National Holiday, what would it be and when?